It's No Big Deal

I realize that cyberspace is a dangerous place for self-disclosure, but I need to write this. Besides, I am convinced that no one else reads this blog (and that's okay)

Tonight, I met my biological mother for a drink after work. Let me preface that thought. Before tonight, she never told me that she gave birth to me and I never told her that I knew - Hence the need for a stiff drink. I have become aware of the need to live and authentic life and the need to base relationships on truth. So, I set up the meeting.

Shortly after she asked, "What's up?" I recited my practiced introduction: "I am at a place in my life where I need to hold on to as few secrets as possible. I want to tell you that I know that you are my biological mother and I hope that you will share some of that story with me..."

Her response, "So you are at the point that you want to know everything"
Me: Not really, I just want to have this conversation and not tell your story if you don't want it told"

Her: It's really no big deal. I was 16 and pregnant. Moma and Daddy sent me to a home for unwed mothers. The nurses would not let me see you in the hospital because moma and daddy told them not to. Moma and Daddy told me that financially it would be better if I signed papers for them to adopt you. I signed. Daddy took papers to biological dad for him to sign. They promised that I could take you anytime. That wasn't true. I filed for custody and lost. I was a kid and that's the system for you. A little while later I married a son of bitch and .... and now we are here. No big deal.

She then addressed the other natural areas: Your dad was a really nice guy. He and his parents were healthy. He drank alot. And did a few drugs - he was in a car accident with a friend and the friend died - that messed him up. But he was a calm, easy going nice guy. She has no idea where he is. But, she told me his name - something I never knew. Also, her husband knows, but not her kids - my half siblings. She goes on to say that it's my story, not hers. If I want to tell them I can, she doesn't care. "It's no big deal either way"

I asked her if my dad had bipolar disorder or other mental health concerns. Not that she knew.

We then returned to our typical pattern of conversation. How are the kids and work? Have you tried any new restaurants lately?

Well, I've got errands to run. See you later.

"It's no big deal".....
Before the conversation, I really did not like her much. I still feel the same. We share blood type and more personality than I'd care to admit, but otherwise our worlds are so different.

I'm glad we chatted. I'm glad that our relationship is not a secret. I'm glad that she didn't cry. I'm even more glad that I didn't cry. And I'm really glad that my sense of self is not based on on someone else's sense of no big deal."